Cancun - Hola amigos, we have returned from another adventure and this time we have been to Cancun for Spring Break! Once again there are many stories and a fair few photo’s and even the odd video! However, before all that the holiday started in Gatwick on St. Patricks Day! As a result we decided to go and have a few beers even though our flight was at 10 am the next morning…we are that dumb! We were staying in a hotel in Horley on Bonehurst Road…this made us laugh because we are childish. So having checked into our 2 star hotel (very overrated!) we headed off into Horley. The first 2 pubs we went to had fewer people in them than a support rally for Gordon Brown. The 2nd pub, The Air Balloon, was so dead we were actually the only 2 people in there! The bar man in there kindly directed us to a lively pub round the corner where we drank away the night and enjoying the spectacularly low price of JD and coke. The only problem was that it seemed like everyone else in there knew each other and kept looking strangely at us. It was very much a pub that wouldn’t have been out of place in Royston Vasey!
Anyway the morning after we got up and left…hangovers and all. Just like Vegas, Cancun is a long way away and after a 10 and a half hour flight we finally arrived in Cancun. It is hot in Cancun, very hot…like holidaying on th face of the sun, hot! Outside the airport you are attacked by 100’s of people offering you cabs and buses to your destination all offering you better prices, quciker transport, more comfort and their 1st born! We eventually pikced one and were on our way down to the Hotel Zone. For those of you who don’t know Cancun is reclaimed land and therefore is pretty much nothing but hotels with a small town/collection of bars at the end. We were pretty close to the bars and clubs at the end in the Hyatt Carribe Hotel. The hotel itself was very nice and in a great location and the room had excellent air conditioning, which was essential. The view from the balcony wasn’t too shabby either!
View from balcony (click to enlarge)
As you can see the sea in the background was the same colour as on all those irritating holday programmes! So we grabbed a beer and took a walk up the beach to see what was going on. The first thing that became obvious was that the sun is unbelievably hot and the livlier end of the beach was a bit further up from us. But all in all it was a good start to the holiday. We later that day we stumbled across one of the hotel bars that was running a thing called “Happy Hour.” Now, we had never heard of this idea before but apparently this means that you get 2 drinks for 1 and they did this everyday at the same time! Funnily enough we ended up going there everyday of our holiday to partake of this glorious offer. It became so regular that the bar staff told US what we were going to order before we actually did! So having fuelled oursleves on a few beers and a few cocktails we headed out into the town to see what was going down. With it being Spring Break there were quite a few people around, so after grabbing a bite to eat in Hooters we set up camp in a bar to see what was what. All the bars pretty much run the same sort of idea, where you pay about $20 or so to get in and your drinks are free all night. This sounds great in theory until you realise that the drinks are watered down beyond recognition and that $20 is quite a lot and stops you from bar hopping all night long…which is a favourite past time here at fatbritney.com! We stayed in the 1st place for a couple of hours until we felt we had drunk enough to take advantage of the free bar idea! We then hit a club but the night fizzled out due to chronic tiredness and Ben’s contacts playing up. So we called it a night at about 1.30 am ish.
Thursday started with a rarity for the fatbritney.com boys…breakfast!! Foolishly we decided to eat outside in the sun and soon realised that even at 10 am the sun was incredibly hot and spectacularly fierce. This was a lesson we failed to heed. For those of you that have read the Las Vegas blog you will know of Red Wednesday, well I now have to introduce you to Red Thursday. This time it has nothing to do with an excessive intake of meat. This time it was an excessive intake of sun! Unfortunately the 2 of us spent about 5 hours in the sun, which was a very stupid idea! We ended up looking like lobsters. Oh well! The weather was amazing and it was very hard to drag ourselves out of the sun at any point during the day. We went into the sea for a bit which was really warm and clear and had loads of massive pelicans flying over it all the time. We also tested out one of the pools at the hotel which was also very good, if a bit cold! Ultimately the day was spent doing fuck all apart from lounging around in the sun. Upon returning to our room is soon became evident that we had spent a little too long in the sun with too few reapplications of sun cream. Never the less we hit the bar for some more happy hour action involving more beers and a few cocktails. As nigtht descended we headed out again for even more merriment. We wound up in a bar called Carlos and Charlies.
Carlos and Charlies
This was to become a bit of a regular haunt for variuos reasons. The drinks were reasonably priced and massive, the atmosphere was good and the waitresses were very easy on the eye! For those of you who have read the other blogs you will know that this is basically all we look for in a bar! So we made camp in there and drank oursleves into a stuper. As you can see the drinks
Ben enjoys a drink
were quite a good size which was appreciated by us…over and over again! I’m told that the drinks we were enjoying (see photo) were about 2.2 pints in each glass. Not hard to see why we liked this place! The great thing was that not only did the beer come in these ridiculous jugs but they also served us cocktails in these jugs as well! So we indulged in a couple of mojitos in these 2 pint jugs as well. This was one of the more strange nights experienced by the fatbritney boys! First of all there was the decor which was…interesting to say the least. It was also one of those bars where the staff get up on the tables and dance to certain tracks. At this point I would love to put in a video we got of this but the video was on Bens camera and his camera is no longer with us. It was a casualty of this evening and neither of us know where it is or what happened to it!
No Idea (click to enlarge)
Ben was a big fan of a waitress in there by the name of Mary-Peter…which oddly enough was in keeping with the strangeness of the entire place! In his defence she was quite fit! In the meantime there was a girl going round offering shots of Tequila, which I’ve heard makes you happy. Not only that but the girl offering the tequila was really fit! We ended up having loads of it due in part to the fact that I (Paul) was a big fan of the girl offering the tequila. So the night descended into the usual fatbritney.com madness. Only this time the madness was punctuated by….a magician! There was a magician going round the bar performing various tricks and to be honest the tricks themselves were crap but factor in the masses of alcohol and all of a sudden they became mind boggling acts of genius! Ben took over at one point and showed the magician a few tricks…needless to say the magician looked less than impresed by Bens’ repertoire or his overzealous use of the wand! I’m sorry to say that at this point the night gets a little hazy due in no small part to the intake of huge beers, mojitos and more than a few shots of tequila and some blue shot thing as well!
Friday began as most fatbritney.com days do…with a hangover! Funnily enough there was no breakfast this time round as we rose quite a lot later! We decided to head round to the other pool at our hotel. This was an infinity pool with a swin up bar surrounded by cabanas’. Those are the bed looking things with curtains around them. So having got out of bed we set up camp in a cabanas…so effectively we got out of bed and went to bed outside instead! The shine was taken off this experience somewhat by the speaker right next to us pumping out so of the most God awful music ever conceived by man. Despite asking for it to be chagned it continued to be awful and quite loud. Annoying! So we pretty much did nothing until happy hour rolled round again and we began our usual process. Friday night was interesting for various reasons. First of all as we were drinking beer and playing cards on our balcony we were treated to some spectacular lightning storms. There was no rain or thunder just masses of lightning. Dr Science (Ben) tried to expain the lightning but couldn’t explain why there was no rain or thunder! There was some pretty massive strikes at a few points that lit up the sky. We also spotted a few cruise ships out on the sea as well and we were both very happy to not be on them at that point! Having enjoyed the show for a bit we headed out to grab a bite to eat at an Italian across the road. The food was excellent if a little pricey…£30 for Bens’ dinner alone! I in the meantime enjoyed a massive plate of pasta and huge shrimp…very nice! So we then headed back into the town again to continue with the heavy drinking. We hit a club called The City which was quite full to say the least. The capacity was probably about 3,000 and there must have been about 5,000 people in there. It was massive, full and crazy!! Unfortunately the evening was another example of how we don’t learn from our lessons…the large meal of earlier caused the eveing to come to a close due to the fact that, I in particular, felt like my stomach was about to burst. A little disappointing but we don’t clearly don’t learn from previous mistakes (see Las Vegas blog…Red Wednesday!).
Saturday started really well….for me! So far the fatbritney.com bus has been to Budapest and my team (Arsenal) lost to Hull while we were there, we then went to Las Vegas and we lost to Manchester City but this time we actually won! Bens’ day started pretty poorly as his team (Man Utd) lost to Fulham. So we then speant the rest of the day avoiding the sun due to the continuing issues following Red Thursday! Other than rehydrating we did little else on Saturday other than avoid the sun and wait for happy hour! We are creatures of habit it seems! So we induldged in happy hour as always and headed out again to give our livers another pounding! Ben did float the idea of replacing his liver with a Britta Water Filter but we qucikly realise the logistics of this made this a poor idea. Saturday was a good one and porbably the best of the entire trip. We went out a lot later and timed it well and the town was haeving as we rocked up. We were qucikly inside a club called DadyO. For some event or other they were running, the name of which escapes me! This was again a popular choice as the club was again rammed beyond all belief with all sorts of people.
Playboy (click to enlarge)
The only downside of this place was the fucking stupid way you had to order drinks. You had to queue up and tell some fat bloke who would then write your order on a bit of paper and you then queue at the bar and hand it over! It slowed things down a lot and was a massive ball ache. But still we managed to over come this small obstacle and kept on drinking!
The girls
The women themselves were really quite fit, as you’d expect! The small black haired bird was Bens’ favourite by quite a long way. If you check out the photo’s section on here you will see there are a load of photos of her. This was the part of the evening when he knicked my camera off me and proceeded to fill the memory with as many pictures of her as he could manage. In all fairness she was very fit and is totally Bens’, now very obvious, type! So we stayed in there for quite a while watching the show. We then decided to check out the rest of the club which had quite a few different sections, which led us to a part that was outside. We found ourselves enjoying a few beers (might have been vodkas at this point…not sure) outside, about 20 feet above the street below. So we chilled there for a bit before moving on to yet another crazy part. I have no idea how we actually found it but we did. We somehow stumbled across another bar called The Terrace. It was about 4 floors up and was this little roof bar/club with a massive dj stand, a nice bar and it was again outside. The music was banging, the dance floor jumping and the view was great. We spent the rest of our night here dancing away the evening and enjoying the table service! The club was another one where we paid to get in and then all our drinks were free so we tipped the bloke who brought our drinks and then sat back and drank as much as we could. This place was outstanding and was miles better than anywhere else we went in terms of what the actual club was like. It was immense and we loved it! So at about 6 am we started to stagger home…only to be passed by all the Playboy women! Which led to me taking Bens favourite ever photo. I’ll leave all of you to work out why it’s his favorite photo!
Ben with his favourite (click to enlarge)
Sunday started in the normal fashion..late and hungover! I’m afraid that the actual day itself again involved little more that avoiding the sun and rehydrating. Again we waited for happy hour as usual to we could partake in cheap beers! The only difference with this night was that we knew where we were headed. We were going to the club across the road…when I say across the road, I actually mean it. Our hotel was directly opposite a club and we had decided that Sunday was the night to go there and sample the delights on offer in there. This meant we didn’t have to leave our hotel until about 1 am…which meant we had time for a siesta, something which is never turned down on a fatbritney.com holiday! So we eventually dragged ourselves out and across the road. The club itself is out on a lake. It is raised up on stilts and sits outon the lake itself which is pretty cool! Yet again it was another pay to get in and your drinks are free all night but with one major difference. This being that the drinks were RANK! We ordered vodka and coke and watched as the barman poured the coke from the usual tap and then picked up another tap from which the vodka spewed forth. It tasted like gone off cream soda! However, our mood was bouyed by the fact that they were holding a bikini contest in there!
Basic (click to enlarge)
The rules were simple: 10 women would get into the make shift ring in a bikini, dance for a minute and the crowd would cheer if they liked them. What actually happened was the women would get in the ring and all the blokes would call for them to “show their tits.” Both Ben and I were horrified by this behavior…but when in Rome! The women that took part didn’t look out of place in bikini’s and it was quite a tough job picking a winner. The ring that they all climbed into was only small but it’s party piece was to shoot showers of water out of each corner. This meant that there were attractive women in bikinis dancing around getting wet…we are simple beings really and enjoy the simple things in life!
The contestants (click to enlarge)
As you can see the contestants really got into it. The winner was from St. Louis, as were 2 of the other competitors, so don’t be surprised to see the fatbritney.com boys in St. Louis in the near future. The winner was also very athletic to say the least…she was able to flip, do the splits and could get her leg up behind her ear! I realise that this sort of a blog would embarass most people but if you’ve read the Las Vegas and Budapest blogs you’ll know what kind of people we are…and we’re happy with who we are!
Monday brought about another late start. However, the day itself actually involved a bit of sun! We were brave enought to dart in and out of the sun in very small bursts as the effects of Red Thursday began to subside. Besides that Monday was largely the same as eveyday…mass laziness! Monday night saw a reurn to Carlos and Charlies for more beer madness and a yard of cocktail as well. The photo shows me with a yard of Tropical Sunset!
Paul with a Tropical Sunset
The night itself was not the most eventful as we simply got quite drunk round a few bars. We did visit The City again but the club was this time barely even a quarter full. We also noticed the crowd seemed to have gotten a lot younger. It seemed as though Spring Break was over for another year! This was the realisation of that moment. Therefore we headed home again…drunk! Tuesday again involved some sun and some shade, only this time at a water park. We got 2 buses to get there which was a pain in the arse and again this place was set up so you paid to get in and then everything was free. So we spent the day on the lazy river, in the wave pool and on a ride that ended with you spinning round a massive bowl. It wasn’t bad but probably not worth the money we paid. The evening involved us going to a cracking restaurant called Harry’s. We both enjoyed a massive steak each and some rather gay looking drinks. I enjoyed an Asian Pear Martini while Ben had some berry and champagne thing. Both were very nice but both were quite gay! The final part of the meal was obviously the normal run of the mill….candy floss! Brought out on a wooden stand, we were confused initially but then attacked with vigour! That was that for the evening as we flew home the next day with something that resembled a tan and some good memories.
Overall Cancun was good. The weather, beach, sea and hotel was perfect. The rules at the hotel were annoying. You had to give your room number to some bloke with a clip board everytime you came in…even at 2.30 pm in the afternoon! I wouldn’t stay in the Hyatt Caribbe again as although the hotel is nice the staff and rules leave a lot to be desired! We also had issues with our flight provider Thomson. Basically, they are utter shit! Having booked the holiday we were then stung for the extra cost of getting seats next to each other, choosing our seats and adding hold baggage. None of which were on the original booking. Now I can understand this on short haul flights but these are surely a given on long haul flights! Thomson are neither a low cost airline nor are they a luxury airline. They fall between the 2 stalls and are just plain shit and fatbriney.com won’t use them again!
Still we had a good time and have some good memories and stories. I (paul) now call Ben Dr. Science as he claims to be good at science and spent about an hour trying to exlpain something about sunlight, rays, clouds and that you could still tan. I didn’t get it and don’t get science in general so he became Dr. Science. You may hear me calling him that in some of the videos. We also came up with a new version of rock paper scissors. This being lion, antelope, grass. This stemmed from my over use of the Lion King quotes about the circle of life. So the rules are:
Lion beats antelope
Antelope beats grass
Grass beats lion
Antelop beats grass
The hand movements are as follows:
Lion - both hands in front of chest making “paw” motion and going “grrr.” See photo of Ben with yard of cocktail.
Antelope - Using 2 fingers on each hand placed on top of head to make antlers.
Grass - Holding one hand parallel to ground, spread 4 fingers on other hand and raise behind 1st hand to give impression of grass growing.
It’s a great game…give it a go!!
