Krakow - Hello again! Once again the fatbritney boys have been off drinking around the world and this time our destination was Krakow. Having caught a flight at some un-Godly hour in the morning we arrived in Krakow at about 11.30 am their time. The first thing that was very obvious was that it was really hot and there was no sign of cloud let alone rain! We were pleased to see this although a bit hot as we had both travelled in jeans and were slowly roasting inside them!
After a short taxi ride we were over at our hotel in the middle of Krakow. The centre of Krakow is amazing! It is a massive square that is pretty much all pedestrianised apart from the odd police car that trundles past. All around the outside of the square there are loads of bars, restuarants and shops. All the bars and restaurants had tables outside them and with the weather as it was dining and drinking al fresco was definately the way forward. In the middle of the sqaure was a huge old palace or opera house looking building…as you can tell form my description we never found out what it was! Our hotel was right on one of the corners of the square which left us in walking distance from a wide selection of drinking establishments! We were also armed with a drinking map that we had made which marked out all the local drinking establishments that had looked good online. As luck would have it, pretty much all of them were within walking distance!
When we arrived our room wasn’t ready so we dumped our bags and headed out to grab some lunch in one of the bars around the square. Foolishly we picked a table that was right in the sun and sat there getting hotter and hotter as the minutes ticked by! The bar we picked was called Exquiste and we ended up there everyday. The food was good but the only problem was that as soon as our food arrived we were attacked by flies…despite having not seen a single one before the food arrived! So we finished up and wondered around the sqaure checking out the scenery and the women. The centre of Krakow is very clean despite the fact that it was always so busy which only made the whole place feel nicer. We headed back to the hotel after a walk around and immediately changed into shorts which was a blessing! We then headed back out again to have a further stroll around and see what was what. We ended up at one of the other bars around the square and sampled our first Polish beer. It was called something like CK Jasne…but don’t quote me. It was a bit blonde, quite strong, tasted nice but best of all it was….REALLY CHEAP!!! We quickly discovered that we had landed in one of the cheapest palces in the world! A pint of the local brew was about £1.50 at most, with cocktails coming in at about £4 each. Needless to say we were quite happy with this turn of events!
The rest of Friday saw us head to an Irish bar just off the main square. We both are very keen cricket fans and there was an Ashes test match on at the time. So we pitched up in there and made camp for the rest of the day. During which we sank many many pints of Zwyiec (spelling!!) which was again a very nice tipple that was once again ludicrously cheap! What was also pleasing about this place was the hiring policy of whoever was in charge. There were some Irish people working there which gave it a fell of Ireland but the rest of the bar staff were very fit women! So to recap this bar was cheap, had nice bar, walking distance to our hotel, had sport on and lots of fit barmaids…we were home! So we sat wathcing England destroy Australia for the rest of the afternoon sinking many Polish beers. We soon found ourselves flanked by some “locals.” That is to say an American and a Brit both of whom lived in Krakow. Once the circket had finished we somehow, and I don’t know how, ended up having a long political debate. We discussed the Iraq war, domestic issues in the US and in England, taxes, culture…it was all very surreal and I blame the Polish beer! But it was strangley good fun!
We then stumbled back to our hotel, threw on some jeans and headed out in search of more drink. We went back to Exquiste as Ben had clocked the large cocktail menu that they had and this is something that is always enjoyed on a fatbritney holiday. First up I had some pineapple thing which was very tasty and Ben had some crazy cocktail that was again tasty. Please forgive the lact of description as I was a bit drunk at this point. The weirdest part came when we ordered some shots. They has a “blueberry shooter” on the menu which consisted of crushed blueberries, vodka and something else. So we ordered 2 but were slightly taken aback when the waitress arrived with….8!!! Apparently one order consists of 4 shots! It was a shock to us both but funnily enough we soldiered on and drank them all anyway. They did come with fresh blueberries on top of them as well, so in a way they were good for you! The rest of the night was spent here drinking various cocktails until we ended up back at the hotel passed out!
We rose late on Saturday and decided to head straight out and start the recovery process. We headed out to one of the many bars around the square to grab some food and much needed recovery juice a.k.a soft drinks. Ben went for the traditional Polish dumplings, whilst I had what was described on the menu as “baked toast with cheese, ham and a fried egg.” Basically we got 2 of the fattiest, greasiest meals going…and they heped sort us out quite a lot! The rest of the day was spent wondering around drinking more recovery juice and genereally enjoying the nice weather. We headed over to the Irish bar to watch more cricket but it wasn’t on due to rain in the UK…ha ha!! So we strolled around some more enjoying the scenery of what was actually a really nice town! We eventually found our way over to a bar on the far side of the square called Folia where we had some “milkcocktails” which were non-alcoholic and then some cocktails that were alcoholic! So our first alcoholic drink of the day were 2 caipirinhas which on reflection may not have been the best way to kick off the days drinking! Still they were very nice if a little strong. This bar again featured some very atractive barmaids as well as a phantom fit girl that only Ben saw. When I walked past the place where she supposedly was there was just some skinny looking bloke. Following this we moved onto to a bar that we had ear marked before arriving. It was a bar called Middle Earth and was Lord of the Rings themed. We eventually found it, went down the stairs and were the only 2 in there. We grabbed a beer none the less. The bar was disappointing as all it had was stone walls, some trees around the bar and a few paintings on some of the walls. We were hoping for a really geeky looking kinda place but instead were sat on a small run down patio where one of the wall looked like it would collapse at any point. We decided to head back over to the Irish bar again to take in some football even though they were pre-season friendlies!!
So we sat and watched the football despite that fact that it was an awful game. During this period we drank a load more beers as we had been taken by “the thirst.” We sat upstairs in the Irish bar this time and we found that there were even more attractive barmaids upstairs! There was something for everyone on show and all of them were fit! After the football we moved back downstairs so we could eat and check out the barmaid downstairs who was the fittest of the lot! After grabbing a bite to eat which included Ben getting given a bowl of fried shit, we made our plans for the evening. After much discussion we decided to head to a place called Paradise Club. So we hopped in a cab and headed over there as this one was slightly beyond walking distance. We arrived in the middle of nowhere, paid our money and went in. To our amazment it turned out to be a strip joint, which we didn’t expect at all….;).
Now, because we were a bit of a way from the centre and we had paid to get in we decided to stay for a bit and have a few drinks and see what was going on. As it turned out there were quite a few “performers” on show pretty much all of them were very fit apart from one who looked a lot like Heather Mills McCartney! Ben found himself chatting to a bunny and I was shooting the breeze with an opera singer…as you do! At this point I will be honest, we stayed there pretty much all night and had many many drinks and even a few dances. The women were very fit and the drinks were quite cheap again! It was a little strange at one point to watch one girl pole dancing to Beyonce’s “If I were a boy.” All in all it was a very enjoyable evening that invloved many many drinks. We then headed back to the centre for our daily visit to Exquiste. We glugged down a few mojitos and some more shots including “raspberry shooters” and then collapsed in bed again.
This brought an end to our time in Krakow as it was only a short holiday this time. Overall I would definately go back as this town is AMAZING!! The women, the beer, the price, the weather…all outstanding. However, the airport is shit beyond all belief. We had a flight back at 12.30 pm so arrived at the airport at 10.50 am. We were only carrying on luggage and had nothing to check-in. However, the queue was HUGE and there were only 2 people checking people in. We got through this and were then met with an enormous queue to get through passport control which was again manned by about 3 people! All of which meant we sat on the plane at 12.40! Other than that this place is great!
One final note…I have no clue what Krakow means in english but i guess it emans “City of Nuns.” We saw loads and loads of nuns walking around the place. There was a huge church in one corner of the square which no doubt attracted them all…but still there were an extraordinary number of nuns for one city! Very odd!!
