Guten tag one and all we are back from Munich have visited for a weekend of beer and bratwurst. I’m sure there are some of you reading this wondering why we chose Munich of all places for a Fatbritney holiday, well rest assured there was method to our madness. At around this time each year they hold Starkbierzeit…which means “Strong Beer Festival.” I’m sure you now know the reason for our trip! Apparently it was started by monks during Lent when they couldn’t eat bread so they decided to brew really strong beer instead and it is often described as “liquid bread.” Just thought I’d give you a quick history lesson so as to bring some culture into your life and give you a true insight into what a Fatbritney holdiay is like and the direction the conversation often takes….anyone who beleives that last bit needs to lay off the strong beer.

So we stepped off the Easyjet flight on Thursday evening and hopped in a cab to our hotel. On the way we passed the new Bayern Munich stadium, the Allianz Arena, which was very impressive as well as the Lowenbrau beer hall.  So things were looking good from the off. We dumped our stuff in the hotel and headed out into the night armed with another drinking map which has become something of a Fatbritney icon! We haeded down form our hotel to a place called Barysphar and headed straight down to the bar downstairs. It turned out to be a cool little place and we decided to get straight onto the cocktails and ordered up some mojito’s and began the drinking. The place itself was nice lots of old brick arches and high tables. Shame about the music which was very German by which I mean very “euro pop” and quite cheesey dance music. Still we never complain and simply drank through the pain. The cocktails were very good and we soon found ourselves running through the mojito’s until we got to the point where we decided it was time for a shot. We had nothing specific in mind and so we asked the barman what was good…luckily his english was very good. He pointed at something I’ve never heard of, so I nodded and told him to line up 2. He then proceeded to pour out 2 MASSIVE shots which were the rough equivalent to triples!!! The taste was odd…it looked like black Sambuca but tasted like burned raisins. I realise that is an odd description but I’m more known for my drinking of alcohol rather than describing the taste. Bottom line is don’t expect to see me on a cookery show wearing a frilly shirt talking about “summer meadows” any time soon!! We eventually drank them, I say eventually because these things were huge and needed some time rather than just being downed in 1 go. Then it was Ben’s round again so off he went to the bar in search of a new cocktail to have rather than another mojito. He arrived at the bar to find someone drinking something that looked nice, so hea sked the barman what is was and it turned out to be a non-alocholic cocktail. I know what you’re thinking…he didn’t order this!! But….he did…however, he told the barman to adda load of rum to it  and so a new cocktail was born. We gave it no name at the time possibly due to the lack of working brain cells but I suppose we should call it The Fatbritney…trade mark pending. It was actually quite nice from what I remember, it was quite fruity…I think. So we finished off our shots and the non-alcoholic rum cocktail and slowly headed back to the hotel. I can’t remember all the details of the journey back but at some point Ben managed to get hold of a big carrot painting from somewhere and threw it at me. When we awoke the next morning the carrot was still on the floor…and was when we left on Sunday.

We arose on Saturday around lunch time and headed for the centre of Munich. Along the way we appeared to wonder through Turkey. Every shop, restaurant and person was Turkish and it was all a little odd. We arrived in the middle of Munich in what is called the Marienplatz to be confronted by a nice looking plaza with cafes, restaurants and an almighty church. We got there just after midday and the bells from the church were in full flow. Not only that but the church was so big it had figurines going round on the front of it acting out some sort of medieval scene. So to recap, our day started with a stroll throughTurkey and then we were sat in front of a huge church with bells ringing and a medieval fight scene playing out….considering the hangover, this was a strange start to the day! We found a seat at one of the cafes around the square and ordered up some Bratwurst and chips…basically German sausage and chips. To be honest it was cold and not the best but it was eaten because neither had eaten anything since lunch time the day before.  We then had a bit of a wonder around Munich to see what was happening and if there were any nice bars to venture to later on. It’s a very nice city if a little spread out. We had a quick lie down (something of a necessity) and then grabbed a cab and headed up to the Olympic Park. The idea behind this was to go up the Olympic Tower. We go there and headed straight into the Olympic Tower which was surprsingly cheap. We went up the Empire State Building in December and that was about 10 times the pirce! The top of the tower gives spectacular views of the entire city and luckily for us it was a suny and clear day which meant we could see for miles! We stood and looked out at the old Olympic Stadium where England once won 5-1. We might have mentioned this while stood there…in a loud voice. If you were in the Olympic Tower at that time you may have heard the phrase “even Heskey scored” said once or twice. In our defence we have to enjoy these moments when we can…we’ve only won the world cup once and the Germans always beat us so you ahve to get your digs in while you can! We made it outside at the top of the tower where it was actually quite warm and the views were even better. We had a geat view of 2 other buildings that dominate the skyline from up there: the BMW factory and the Allianz Arena. The BMW factory is a crazy shape and I have no clue how to describe it other than to say I have never seen a building shaped like that in my life. While the Allianz Arena is on the outsikirts of the city and looks like an alien space ship has landed…having seen close up pictures of Frank Ribery, I just might be right (note to Mr Ribery’s lawyers – this is a joke!). The views are brilliant and anyone heading to Munich should go and check them out. We descended the tower and grabbed a much needed bit of recovery juice at the cafe at the bottom of the tower and enjoyed sitting in the sun for a bit…this was a welcome change from our last holiday to New York where it was actually too cold to even snow! We then planned to get a cab back to the hotel again, however, this proved very tricky given that no cabs appeared to be turning up. We waited and waited and…waited. Nothing. While waiting a few kids on roller blades turned up and laid out a load of cups in a line presumably to skate through. I say presumably because we never saw them skate. This wasn’t because a cab turned up, no such luck, nut more to do with the fact that all they seemed to do was sweep the floor. This isn’t a euphemism or prison slang, they had actually brought a broom with them and were sweeping the floor. I have not the 1st clue what they were doing this for or if this is a new extreme sport that is just about to sweep the globe but to my eye it looks like house work done in a public park. Germans are weird…unless people around the world are doing this, in which you are all weird. Anyway, we gave up waiting by the extreme sweepers and crossed te bridge in hope of finding a cab. We failed miserably so instead we headed into the BMW museum. In there we found lots of people taking photo’s in front of BMW’s…there’s no way i can write this without sounding condesending but this seems a bit dull to me. If they were expensive supercars that are rarely seen on the roads than fair enough, but taking a picute in front of a BMW 1 series seems odd to me. We had a look around at what was in there and tried out some of the interactive displays which included one that had something to do with oxygen molicules or something…all science questions need to be addressed to Dr. Science. After wondering around in here for a bit we got them to get us a cab and headed back towards the city centre.  As a massive stroke of luck the cabbie turned out to be a nice bloke and spoke really good english. We told hm our plan was to head to the string beer festival now to make sure we got in. He said there was no need as everyone turns up later and the beer hall is massive. So he instead recommended somewhere to eat. We found street of the Marienplatz which was more our kind of place…shops such as Bulgari lined the streets and the place had a feel of money about it. It suited us. It was a little early to eat so we instead sat outside and grabbed a couple of beers…Lowenbrau Original was the beer of choice and very nice it was too. It reached about 6pm and we went in for some dinner in a place called Fransikanner and after a quick look at the menu we ordered up the Bavarian mixed grill. We were soon presented with 2 plates piled high with meat. Memories of Red Wednesday came flooding back (see Las Vegas blog) but thankfully the meat was limited this time! The plate was filled with ham hock, duck, ribs and sausages. With a nice bit of gravy as well. It was all absolutely fucking lovely!! We happily wolfed down the lot…it was the best meal we had while over there. We walked back to the hotel, letting the meat digest on the way and got ready to head to the beer festival. We jumped in a cab and headed down to the Paulaner Nockerberg beer hall in order to grab a few litres of 8% beer!! We arrived and there were quite a few people sat around outside drinking from massive ceramic tankards and there were a lot of VERY pissed people there. We picked ourselves up a couple of beers grabbed a seat, clinked mugs and took in the 1st Stark Bier. The beer itself didn’t taste that strong or any differnt to a normal pint…or litre in this case. This is the most worrying thing about the beer…you have a few and feel fine then you stand up and reailse that you’re not! We then decided to head into the beer hall itself and what confronted us was utter madness!!!!!! The tomato throwing festival in Valencia will probably always remain the craziest thing we have ever done but this is certainly the craziest thing that had a roof over it’s head! This place was rowdy…like a few hours into the opening of terminal 5 at Heathrow rowdy! There were about 1400 people in there all of whom were stood on the benches around the tables, jumping, singing and drinking. So we joined in by getting up onto some benches around a table that was free and surveyed the carnage. There was a live band on as well banging out classics but such musical giants as Status Quo and The Proclaimers. It was strange wathcing 1400 Germans singing drunkenly to Rockin All Over the World. Still we joined in anyway! The most incredible part was how it was all done in a party atmosphere. We saw people falling over pissed and no bouncer threw them out. We saw benches shatter under the weight of 8 people and all that happened was that it was replaced within about 20 seconds. There were no signs of a fight anywhere…it was staggering. This could never take palce in Britain!! There were also loads of blokes dressed in lederhosen and looking utterly ridiculous and the women in traditional dress which was surprisingly eye catching. I’ve never been particularly enamered with the dress but up close it looks pretty good to me…the intake of litres of really strong beer may have helped as well but I have no real life comparison to base this on as I have never seen the dress close up when sober!! We were a little disappointed when the hall closed at 11.30 pm when the fatbritney boys were getting into their stride. We decided a few more drinks were necessary and so we got a cab back to Marienplatz and searched for a bar. Somehow we found one called Pussers…and before you say anything it not one of those places! It was a coctail and cigar bar and it was terrific. We started on the JD and coke and by the end we were drinking straight Amaretto. It was a small, old fashioned kind of bar and we very much enjoyed it. I would guess they enjoyed us being there because we raked up a healthy bar bill. We then stumbled back to the hotel…this is a pure guess as I don’t really remember this part, which is the sure sign of a good night!

Saturday started in the afternoon, funnily enough. We dragged ourselves out to an Irish bar that was showing the football but we missed it due to being asleep for a long time. We grabbed a bite to eat and some recovery juice and headed back out into the delights of Munich. We didn’t actually do a lot else apart from wonder around and drink recovery juice. We did at one point stop off for a coffee in the Emporio Armani cafe…that’s just how we roll. While walking around we noticed there were still a lot of people lederhosen…I realise it is traditional German dress but stop and look in the mirror lads!! Later in the day Arsenal were on the TV and as always I (paul) needed to watch it. The Irish bar we were in earlier were showing it but there were also a lot of tables reserved giving the impression that it was going to be very busy in there. So ben go out his Blackberry and did some googling and found another bar for us to go to which wasn’t far….this was a lie of Bill “I did not have sexual relations with that girl” Clinton proportion! We were following driving directions that said things like “continue ahead for 0.6Km.” Which doesn’t sound like a massive distance. This carried on for about 6 or 7 km’s…it was an absolute mission, it was the kind of distance that Sir Ranulph Fiennes would have trekked after months of preperation. Then when we finally got to this place…they were showing German football and not Arsenal!!But never fear the bloke in the bar said there was one around the corner showing it…so we went there…and their dish was broken so no football at all. But they suggested the Irish bar around the corner, so we went there….and they had the rugby on! This was far from ideal so we got in a cab and went back to original Irish bar and stood in the corner looking up and the screen showing the football…at least we won and went top of the league for a few hours!! Following a quick shower and change back at the hotel we off out into the Munich night air. We decided Saturday would see us indulge in a Fatbritney favourite, bar hopping. We started at a little cafe/bar and sat outside under the patio heaters. But left after 1 G&T as it wasn’t cold enough and had no slice of lemon in it!! Shocking!! We then set out to find Pussers again as it was a big hit the 1st time around. However, when we first went there we stumbled on it and had no clue where it was and we didn’t note the name either…so we spent about half an hour on the search for it. We had pretty much given up until we saw a sign pointing to a bar that said it served cocktails. We decided to head there as we couldn’t be arsed to walk anymore and as luck would have it…we found the right place!! To quote Hannibal from the A-Team “I love when a plan comes together.” So in we went and headed straight downstairs to the little bar they had in there. It was tiny and almost full but we somehow managed to get a good seat which was supremely lucky as while we were there we watched a lot of people turn back as there was no where to sit. This place had a vast cocktail menu which included some colourful names and some cocktails that if they were human blokes would probably be keen on musical theatre, if you know what I mean. So we took the only option available and made a good effort of working our way through the menu as best we could. All the cocktails that turned up were fantastic, not one of them was minging or too strong. In fact none of them tasted of alcohol but I can confirm that they very much did! A personal highlight was the Road Runner which was some milky kind of thing that was really nice. It was a bit of a gamble due to the fact that the menu was in German and I could only recognise the alcohol in it and had no clue what any of the other words meant. They also ran the house specials called Painkiller, which came in different varieties…which is to say the strength of them could be changed depending on how brave you were. We went for the 6cl one…which meant there was 6cl of Rum in it. It comes in a small sort of ceramic/china cup with a very frothy head on it and a huge slab of orange and some cherries on a stick. It had quite a fruity taste but again no real taste of alcohol. We polished off a few off these each as they were remarkabley easy to drink and only upon standing up did you realise that you probably should ahve had the last one…or the 6 before it! After drinking quite a few cocktails we ventured back upstairs….the live pianist had also finished playing his soft jazz as well…nice. Upstairs is more of a cigar bar and this suits as well as we are both partial to a nice cigar. So we lit up some that we had purchased earlier in the day and ordered some Grog. This is not me using some sort of pirate slang, it was another house special, which was again filled with masses of rum. These tasted a fair bit stronger than anything else we had drank during the evening. Still we knocked back a few of them and some G&T’s before stumbling out into the night again. I would HIGHLY recommend Pussers for anyone that is going to Munich, the cocktails are brilliant and the place itself is quite cool. We stumbled around town and eventually mad it back to our hotel again via Burger King and a strip club that features women who you would pay to watch them put more clothes on…apart from a couple that were fit, the rest really weren’t.

Sunday was mostly spent in the Irish pub as we were due to fly back that eveing and Man Utd were playing Liverpool. Happily for Ben they won, I was left disappointed as I wanted/needed Liverpool to win. The pub was pretty full and there were a good mix of Man Utd and Liverpool fans in there. As well as some Celtic fans that decided to sing strange songs all game and get really pissed…I realise the last part of the sentence is redundant as they were Scottish and assuch are always pissed. We finished up in there and had a last wonder around Munich, including the open air market before haeding back to the hotel to head home. Overal it was a great trip. The beer hall was immensely crazy and the beer was as strong as we had been promised and it was nice to be served a litre of it. It meant that after 2 you had effecitvely drank around 4.5 pints! The city itself was really nice, if a little spread out. One of the abiding memories will be the number of people drinking beer at all times of the day. Whatever time of day it is there are people drinking beer and by people I mean the locals and not just the holday makers there to get pissed. I can safely say the Germans enjoy a beer. We are to be congratulated as well as we made it the whole holiday without mentioning the war….